As everyone who lives in
Western countries will be well aware, divorce and remarriage are extremely
common today. Increasingly, people view marriage not as a lifelong bond, but as
a moderately serious commitment that can quite easily be ended if they wish.
I don’t think it would be
much of an exaggeration to say that for many Westerners the decision to get
married is not seen as much more important than the decision to move house. If
someone moves to a house they enjoy living in, they will probably not choose to
move again. But if the house fails to live up to expectations, they can easily
move somewhere else. I think more than a few people today view marriage as something
quite similar to this.
Sadly, Christians in the
Western world are often guilty of following the values of society on this issue
instead of standing by the teaching of the Bible. However, Scripture is our
God-given “Manual for the Human Life,” and we must always follow what it says.
Jesus’ teaching
“11 . . . Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her, 12 and if she divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”
(Scripture readings in this
article are from the English Standard Version.)
Jesus’ point here is that
what the people He is referring to regard as divorce and remarriage are nothing
of the sort. In God’s sight, all that is happening is that they are committing
adultery, because their original marriages are still ongoing.
In this passage Jesus doesn’t
mention any exceptions to the principle that God doesn’t recognise divorce or
remarriage. However, first century Jewish culture allowed for unexpressed
exceptions to a principle much more than we are used to in modern Western culture.
And when we compare this passage with other teaching of Jesus, we find that
there are actually exceptions to the prohibition of divorce and remarriage in
Mark 10:11-12.
In Matt. 5:32 He teaches:
“But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality [porneia], makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”
And in Matt. 19:9 He says:
“And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality [porneia], and marries another, commits adultery.”
These verses teach that it
is acceptable for a man to divorce his wife and remarry when his wife is guilty
of “sexual immorality.” And the same certainly applies to a woman whose husband
is guilty of sexual immorality.
“Sexual immorality” in these
verses is a translation of the Greek word porneia, which is a broad term. Porneia
was probably chosen instead of moicheia, which means “adultery,” so as to allow
for the inclusion of sexual unfaithfulness during the time of betrothal,
homosexual acts etc. But porneia should be understood to include adultery.
We should limit “sexual
immorality” here to immoral sexual acts. Jesus is surely not including immoral
sexual thoughts as a ground for divorce and remarriage. That would be too
obscure in the context.
Paul’s teaching
The apostle Paul also
teaches on divorce and remarriage in his first letter to the Corinthians.
In 1 Cor. 7:10-11 he
writes:
“10 To the married I give this charge (not I, but the Lord): the wife should not separate from her husband 11 (but if she does, she should remain unmarried or else be reconciled to her husband), and the husband should not divorce his wife.”
In line with what Jesus
teaches in Mark 10:11-12, the general principle Paul gives in these verses is
that divorce and remarriage are unacceptable. He understands that situations arise
when couples will separate and live apart from each other. But he says that
those who do so should not remarry.
“But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.”
There is a debate about what exactly Paul means
in this verse, but he is probably saying that a Christian becomes free to
remarry if their non-Christian husband or wife leaves them.
Other exceptions
Apart from cases of sexual
immorality, and probably abandonment by a non-Christian, it is possible that there
could be other exceptional situations when God would allow a divorce and
remarriage.
Nevertheless, it is a fact
that the New Testament never explicitly permits remarriage while a previous
husband or wife is still alive, except in cases of sexual immorality and probably
abandonment. So we would need to be very careful indeed before claiming that a
situation permits an exception to the prohibition of divorce and remarriage in
Mark 10:11-12.
A general rule
As a general rule, we
should think of divorce and remarriage as unacceptable and invalid unless there
is a specific reason to allow them. We should not think of them as acceptable
and valid unless there is a specific reason to disallow them.
In other words, the ball is
firmly in the court of anyone who says that God approves of a certain divorce
or remarriage. They need to explain convincingly why this is so.
Modern culture is no excuse
There are some who claim
that today it would be a mistake to follow Jesus’ and the early Christians’
teaching on this topic. They point out that first century cultures were very
different from our own. And they say that if Jesus were teaching in our culture
today, He would take a more relaxed approach to divorce and remarriage.
Crucially, however, Jesus’
teaching on this subject was strikingly counter-cultural in His own day. Large
segments of the Jewish population allowed easy divorce and remarriage in a wide
variety of circumstances. And the same was true of Greco-Roman culture too.
In the first century, then,
when Jesus taught that divorce and remarriage were only acceptable in
exceptional circumstances, He wanted people to go against the prevailing morals
and customs. And if He wanted people to do that then, we would expect the same
to be true today. It is absolutely wrong to try to get round biblical teaching
on this issue by appealing to culture.
Divorce and remarriage after adultery
I noted above that divorce
and remarriage are acceptable in the case of “sexual immorality,” which
includes adultery. Because, sadly, adultery is so common today, this does mean
that many occasions arise when divorce and remarriage are permissible.
Furthermore, even if
couples split up for reasons other than adultery, what God regards as adultery
will often follow.
For example, suppose that a
couple gets a divorce for what God sees as an invalid reason, so that in His
sight they are still married. If then, however, either the man or the woman
sleeps with someone else, in God’s sight that would surely count as adultery
committed against the wife or husband. And then it would seem to be legitimate
to regard the divorce as something that also exists in God’s sight. This in
turn would, at least as a general principle, allow remarriage.
Importantly, however, any
divorce on the grounds of adultery is only valid if the party who has been
sinned against wants it. If the person sinned against wants to remain married
to the adulterer, but the adulterer leaves them anyway, we should certainly regard
the marriage as still ongoing in God’s eyes. And we should just as certainly
regard any supposed remarriage by the adulterer as invalid.
Even if a person who has
had adultery committed against them wants a divorce, some Christians would say
that we should never endorse remarriages of those who have committed adultery. Standing
firm on this, it is said, will discourage future would-be adulterers.
I think there may be
occasions when it is right to take this position. But on the other hand, we must
remember that the Christian faith is all about forgiveness for sinners. I do
think that as a general principle, if we believe that God regards a divorce as
valid, then we should see both parties as free to remarry, even if one of them
committed grave sins that led to the divorce. This would seem to fit well with
the greatness of God’s mercy.
That said, I do think that as
another general principle, even when there has been a legitimate divorce, we
shouldn’t endorse remarriages of adulterers to the people they committed
adultery with. To me, that seems too much of an incentive to sin.
Suppose, for example, that a
married man has an affair with a woman, his wife then divorces him because of
that adultery, and that the man then wants to marry the woman he had the affair
with. I, for one, would not support that remarriage or regard it as valid in
God’s eyes.
Not breaking up relationships
In the discussion above, when
I have mentioned remarriages, my focus has been on whether or not God regards a
remarriage as valid or invalid at the
time the new couple gets together.
However, we need to ask if
things are any different later on. Are there times when a couple gets together
in what God regards as an invalid remarriage, and when He later revises His
attitude towards the relationship?
For example, suppose the following
happens:
A man divorces his wife for
an invalid reason, so that God views the original marriage as still ongoing. This
man then “marries” another woman, a relationship that God regards as invalid
and adulterous, because in His sight the original marriage still exists. Years
pass and this new couple have children.
After all this time, how does
God view the second relationship? Does He revise His view of things and now see
the marriage of the man and his second partner as valid?
This is a difficult question
to answer. However, I think it is probable that God does revise His attitude towards relationships like this one. The fact
is that in the first century divorces and remarriages that God viewed as invalid
must have been very common, yet nowhere in the New Testament do we find
Christians being taught to break off long-standing relationships with people
they viewed as their husbands or wives. In his long discussion of marriage in 1
Cor. 7, for example, Paul never says that any of the Corinthians should do this.
Yet it seems likely that some of them would have been in relationships that they
regarded as marriages and that began for invalid reasons.
In view of the absence of
NT instructions to break off relationships, I think it is probably right to say
that God, in His mercy, does often revise His attitude to invalid remarriages
after time has passed, so that He comes to view the marriages as valid.
The alternative would be to
think that God continues to see these remarriages as invalid and adulterous.
However, it is then rather strange that there is no biblical teaching
instructing that second or third relationships are terminated, given how adultery
is such a grievous sin.
Regardless of whether or
not God revises His view of invalid marriages, however, there is no biblical
warrant for Christians to demand that new Christian converts break off long-standing
(heterosexual) relationships with people they regard as their husband or wife.
Final thoughts
It is very easy for Christians
today in Western countries to allow themselves to be carried along by the tide
of popular opinion. Mainstream Western culture has a very free and easy
attitude to divorce and remarriage. We must resist being influenced by this
thinking.
For a divorce to be valid
in God’s sight, there needs to be a specific, biblically based reason why it is
valid. If a reason is not apparent, we should regard the divorce as something
that He doesn’t recognise.
Similarly, we should only
endorse a remarriage if there is a specific reason for believing that God
regards that remarriage as valid. If we are not aware of a reason, we should refuse
to endorse it.
See also:
