In Western culture today, anyone who says that sex is only appropriate within a marriage relationship is usually treated with mockery and contempt. This is seen as an extremely old-fashioned and restrictive thing to believe, something that may have looked in place in the 19th century but looks pretty ridiculous today.
For Christians,
however, whether things seem old-fashioned or are the latest fashion is beside
the point. Unlike fashions, which come and go, God is unchanging, and this
means that the values of the Bible are also unchanging. If Scripture has
something to say about a moral issue, then it is true just as much today as it
was in the past.
What the Bible says
about sex and marriage, therefore, is the key thing. So what does it say? Does
it teach that sex is only appropriate in marriage relationships?
Yes it does. Let’s
look at a couple of passages that teach this.
1 Corinthians 7
In 1 Corinthians 7
the apostle Paul spends some time talking about sex and marriage. Verses 8-9
are especially relevant for our purposes in this article, and they read as
follows:
‘8 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it
is good for them to remain single, as I am. 9 But if they cannot exercise self-control,
they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.’ (ESV)
In this passage Paul speaks positively about remaining
single, but he notes that lack of sexual self-control is a problem. And if Christians
have poor sexual self-control, what does he say they should do? They should
marry.
Prostitution was extremely common in Corinth in Paul’s
day. So in these verses Paul is clearly implying that visiting prostitutes is
sinful (and other passages in 1 Corinthians are even clearer on this).
But what about having a long-term girlfriend or boyfriend
as a sexual partner? Is Paul prohibiting that too?
Sometimes you will hear people argue in the following way
on this point:
In the first-century Greek culture of places
like Corinth, people didn’t really have girlfriends and boyfriends in the way
that people in modern Western culture do. So when Paul says that Christians
with poor sexual self-control should aim to marry, he is just thinking in terms
of the categories of people who existed at that time, i.e., those who were
unattached and those who were married. Paul is therefore not saying anything
about the rights or wrongs of having long-term sexual partners other than a
husband or wife. This just wasn’t an issue that he faced.
So what should we
make of this argument? Is it any good?
The answer to this is
a clear no. It is simply not true that in first-century Greek culture people
didn’t have long-term girlfriends and boyfriends as sexual partners. It may not
have been as common as it is in Western culture today, but it was hardly uncommon.
So Paul’s prohibition
should be understood to include sexual relationships between long-term
girlfriends and boyfriends. And if it includes these, it certainly includes all
sexual relationships outside marriage.
Genesis 2
Another important passage for our topic is Genesis 2:23-24,
where we read:
‘23 Then
the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she
shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” 24 Therefore a man shall leave
his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one
flesh.’ (ESV)
Note how in v. 24
Moses says that when a man leaves his parents and gets married, he will become
‘one flesh’ with his wife. Becoming one flesh is a reference to the physical
joining of sexual intercourse. So this passage is teaching that it is God’s
will for sex to take place within marriage.
But what about sex
outside marriage? Is the passage implying anything about the rights or wrongs
of that?
It makes sense to believe
that it is. There seems to be quite a strong implication in v. 24 that the
becoming one flesh is only appropriate when a man leaves his father and mother
and holds fast to his wife.
Let me try to explain
why by drawing a comparison. Something else that husbands and wives do together
is eat meals. But eating meals together is obviously appropriate in many
contexts for all sorts of people, not just husbands and wives.
Suppose for a moment
that v. 24 read as follows:
‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother
and hold fast to his wife, and they shall eat meals together.’
Doesn’t this look a strange thing to say? Why bother
mentioning that a husband will eat meals with his wife, when all sorts of
people eat together? It looks too commonplace a thing to say in the context of
introducing the institution of marriage.
I would suggest that the same would be true of becoming
one flesh, if this were appropriate in a variety of contexts. It would be too
commonplace a thing to bother mentioning when introducing the institution of
marriage.
But if becoming one flesh were only appropriate in
marriage, all strangeness disappears. Now there would be nothing commonplace
about becoming one flesh. On the contrary, this would be something that is
designed to exist uniquely in marriage. So we can easily understand why Moses would
mention it when introducing the institution of marriage.
Therefore, it makes sense to believe that this passage is
implying that sexual intercourse is only appropriate within marriage.
Sex outside
marriage leads to hell
So the Bible teaches
that sex outside marriage is a sin. But what are the consequences of committing
this sin?
Well, if someone has
committed this sin in the past and they have put their trust in Jesus for
salvation, they will have been forgiven.
But what about those
who unrepentantly commit this sin at the present time? What are the consequences
for them?
We need to be very
clear that these people are firmly on track for punishment in hell. Of course,
Christians are saved from hell not by doing good deeds but by faith in Christ
alone. But crucially, genuine, saving faith is always accompanied by an
abundance of good deeds. These good deeds don’t save, but they are evidence of
saving faith.
For example, Jesus
tells us in Matt 7:17-19 that every good tree produces good fruit, and that
every tree that doesn’t produce good fruit is cut down and thrown into the
fire. Similarly, we are told in James 2:17-19 that faith without (good) deeds
is dead and will benefit people no more than it will benefit demons.
Especially relevant
for our purposes in this article is 1 Corinthians 6:9-10, where Paul writes:
‘9 Or
do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do
not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers,
nor men who practice homosexuality, 10 nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor
drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.’ (ESV)
We must note clearly that Paul is explicit here that the
sexually immoral will not inherit the kingdom of God. In other words, those who
unrepentantly commit this sin will end up in hell (unless they decide to repent,
understood).
Just as sobering is Revelation 21:8, where God declares
in no uncertain terms:
‘But as for the cowardly, the faithless, the detestable,
as for murderers, the sexually immoral, sorcerers, idolaters, and all liars,
their portion will be in the lake that burns with fire and sulfur, which is the
second death.’ (ESV)
Again, there is no sugar-coating anything here. People
who are unrepentant of sexual immorality are on track for the fire of hell.
It is normal for fighting sin to have a high
cost
It is not uncommon for Christians to make excuses to try
to justify having sex outside marriage. One common excuse goes as follows:
I agree that it is God’s will as a general
rule for sex only to take place within marriage. But I am not married and I
find it so difficult and painful to live without sex that I don’t believe God
expects me to live like that. So I believe God is OK with me having sex outside
marriage.
I would suggest that this is a lie that Satan often uses.
In reality, when we look at the Bible, we find that it is normal for fighting
against sin to have a very high cost associated with it.
In Luke 9:23, for example, Jesus says:
‘23 If anyone would come after me, let him deny
himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.’ (ESV)
To take up your cross daily is partly a metaphor describing
the cost of following Jesus. In and of itself, this metaphor makes it clear
that this cost is typically very high.
But the literal aspect of these words should also be
taken into account. Jesus is saying that any follower of his needs to be
willing every day to be literally crucified for his sake if need be! In other
words, it is normal Christian discipleship to be prepared to pay an enormously
high price for following the Lord.
The words of Hebrews 12:4 are also very relevant here. In
this verse the author states:
‘In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted
to the point of shedding your blood.’ (ESV)
The point is that although following Jesus hasn’t yet
cost the readers their lives, it may come to this in the future. And note the
explicit reference here to a ‘struggle against sin’. It is fighting against
sin, which will certainly include fighting temptation, that is so costly.
And this fight will certainly include fighting sexual
temptations. So those who make excuses because they find this a hard fight are
deceiving themselves. In actual fact, they are on the road to eternal
destruction.
God is with us to help us
I don’t want to make light of the pain that can be
involved in fighting temptations. I know how hard it can be.
But we need to trust that God knows exactly where we are
at and that he loves us deeply. If we are submitting to his will, he won’t let
our lives become a misery.
As the apostle Paul says in Philippians 4:19:
‘And my God will supply every need of yours according to
his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.’ (ESV)
We must all hold tightly on to this promise.
See also:
Should
Single Christians Aim to Get Married?
The
Radical Nature of the Normal Christian Life
What
Attitude Should Christians Have to Homosexuality?
No comments:
New comments are not allowed.